Day 45: Complete Panic

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The feeling is undeniable. Panic. You feel helpless it blankets you with a cold rush of adrenaline and fear heavily sets in.  Your hands sweat and your heart begins to race, feeling like it’s beating out of your chest. The fear is overwhelming, and you know you need God more than ever. But no matter how hard you try, He feels so incredibly far away. That happened to me just yesterday. . .
Yesterday afternoon, I experienced hands down one of the scariest, most helpless moments any mother could feel. My youngest daughter, went missing from my home. We all had just gotten home from school, backpacks hung up, tired from the day full of Valentines parties. All three of my kids plopped on the couch and began opening up their Valentines they had received from their friends.  Lauren, who is four, was on the couch watching them, so I thought I would go upstairs in my shop and print one more tee shirt before the day ended.

I was upstairs for maybe 10 minutes before I came back out of the shop, and noticed the front door was wide open. I knew that wasn't normal and  immediately ran down stairs to check on the kids. No one was there. As I began shouting loudly for everyone, my oldest daughter came rushing out of her room announcing her position and Eli came walking out from another part of the house who also told me he was ok, but where was Lauren?

I ran back out the front door, screaming her name but there was no sight of anyone. I ran back up the stairs and checked her room, checked all the other rooms upstairs, all the rooms downstairs, screaming her name, but there was no answer. I hurried as fast as I could to the back yard, looked all over the backyard, by the pool, by the play ground, inside my car, around the side yard- yelling, screaming, as hard as I possibly could, 'LAUREN!" LAUREN"! LAUREN"!!! As the adrenaline continued racing through my body, I darted back to the front door, which had been set wide open and began running up and down the streets screaming helplessly, "LAUREN!!! LAUREN WHERE ARE YOU!??! LAUREN!!??!"..

I called my husband and when he picked up I just said in a voice of fear, " I can't find Lauren! HELP ME! HELP ME!" He tried to guide me through searching our house cameras, but my hands were shaking so much I couldn't navigate the system. I felt like I was going to completely black out. I just began calling out to Jesus to help me find her.  "JESUS, JESUS, HELP ME". . .

In a frenzy, I grabbed a phone, called 911, and ran across the street to the park to look for her. I wasn't about to stop looking for her now. As I was running through the fields, searching the pond, running through the trails of the park, I began describing to the dispatcher what Lauren looked like. My mind began racing through the 1000 things that could have happened to her and I felt completely paralyzed with fear. The thoughts overwhelmed me. As I sprinted back to my house, hoping someone had found her by now, there was still no Lauren. . My heart sank.

After what felt like eternity, the police finally came to my door. They calmly walked in my home and asked me what she looked like and where was her room was.  I told them upstairs, but I had already gone up there to look, but they went anyway. My hands over my head, hung in desperation, I just sat there, feeling so helpless and afraid, continuing to pray a helpless prayer. 

Just a few moments later, I hear my oldest daughter start screaming, 'LAUREN, LAUREN! LAUREN!!!" I ran upstairs and fell to my face, weeping.  Lauren was found. She was right there the whole time. Through the screaming of her name, through the running of the house, through the tears that were being cried- I am embarrassed to say, she had been sleeping in her bed the whole time, the blanket had completely covered her body. In all of my panic, I just hadn't seen her. The feeling of relief and gratefulness washed over me. I embraced her tightly, just speechless.  

Have you ever felt complete PANIC like that before? Have you felt completely paralyzed with fear, out of control like I did?  When you panic, who/what do you run to? God wants you to know that He is with you during your panic. He is by your side and He is holding you, He has a steady grip on you, holding you  when you feel out of control and helpless to your circumstances. 

Even as I recount this story of the events from just yesterday, the tears falling as I type, I am reminded of the realness of fear as it is replayed in my mind. Even though I was running around my neighborhood like a crazy person searching for someone I thought was lost but really wasn't, God felt far off but He was really with me the whole time. . . I know that because of what His Word says, 

Isaiah 41:10 says, "Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."

{Journal 5}: Write down 5 things more that you are grateful for today. I know what I am grateful for!!!

{Fitness 5}: Run/walked 35 minutes. Spent time just clearing my mind and listening to praise and worship music.  Oftentimes, that's exactly what I need to connect with God.

Many Blessings, 


Makin' Jesus Famous

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